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Category Archives: Relationship

Ideality is not totally impossible in our relationships. We can!

Hey Swinger

Happy one moment and cold the next, and you’re wondering “what did I say or do wrong”? Most people can’t even say why, “That’s how it just happens, deal with it” they say. And I used to be like that. I’m talking about record breaking mood swings that will make you gape! How can you go from all that high to an inconceivably low low? For the observers, friends and those in close proximity at the time it occurs, it just doesn’t make sense. I mean she was just laughing and making jokes a moment ago and now a shrug is all I get for my basket mouth-esque joke, and in honest concern, you ask whatsup? The answer is universal, it may vary now and then but it’s always NOTHING or any of its many relatives. It just baffles me. I had a friend back in secondary school that used to do it, I didn’t understand until I started experiencing mine. And I didn’t like the feeling one bit!

So I ripped myself a new one. What I don’t like, I check if I have control over it, if I don’t have control, I see if I can gain control, if it seems as if I can’t, I refuse to take no for an answer until I gain control,  and I go ahead and change it. It wasn’t easy I tell you. And over the years I made a couple of observations that I think may be helpful to you who always have recurrent episodes of mood swings (and are unhappy about it), or you have a partner or friend who experiences them.

  1. We may say we don’t know why, and that it just happens out of the blue, but that isn’t all true. 30 minutes ago, I was all chirpy and now I’m feeling blue. I transport myself back to my last chirpy period and trace my way to the present. Where was I? Who was I talking to? What were we talking about? Did I agree to whatever they were saying? Did I see something or someone? For example, you were with your friends, and you see a couple walking by hand-in-hand, with so much love in the air. And you are a 35 year old unmarried and single lady. Unless you are a very secure person, it’s bound to hit you, and not wanting to think about it….again, you subconsciously shut down your mind. And of course if asked, you answer NOTHING. So there’s almost always a trigger for every mood swing. I do not know how to show anger, I hardly show it unless it’s gotten here *points to the neck*, I naturally suppress it, that triggers a mood swing for me. Arguing with someone on something so basic that why we are even arguing about it is befuddling. Something as ridiculous as “Pop and rock is the same thing, or every song has a baseline (the latter honestly happened)”, after arguing back and forth to prove him/her wrong unsuccessfully, I just shut down. Or at times I’m just tired, try being a director in an overnight drama rehearsal with tired and/or lazy people and let’s see if you won’t get tired. Those are my own triggers that I’ve observed. You have to find yours and either preempt them or find ways to deal with them as they come.
  2. Also, you’ll get to a point in life that you can’t afford to have such mood swings. The same way it gets to a point you dare not switch off your phone, you get so involved in the smooth running of things to a point that if you are unreachable, even for a few hours, hell literally freezes over. If you’ve ever been involved in the planning of an event, you’d have an idea of what I’m talking about. While some are quick to say “they won’t kill me”, taking responsibility for the success or failure of the event actually shows maturity. Remember, he who is faithful in little things, will be faithful in much. I’m talking about responsibility here; I’m talking about being too busy to have time to entertain your mood swing. Even if it is genuine.
  3. The things you say or do not say, do or don’t do during your mood swings can affect you negatively. In an office setting, it can cost you your job if you have an unkind boss. If you don’t get it together, it can put a strain (unnecessary?) on your marriage and in communication with your husband or wife. Also, your decision making is somehow impaired during these episodes and in a very competitive setting; it’ll cost you dearly because it affects productivity.

This is the part where I say “I hope with these few points of mine; I’ve been able to convince you and not confuse you that Mood Swings are bad for you” but you already knew that. What to do about it is the purpose of this piece.

Snap out of it!

I find it to be as simple as that. You can’t afford it, you don’t need it, So what are you doing with it? I know it’s not as easy as it sounds; but I also know that practice makes perfect. It’d benefit you greatly if you can get your swings under control. And do not complicate the solution for it. Just snap out of it. Even if it comes when you are alone and not doing anything, allowing it fester could just lead to clinical depression and your case would have to be transferred from the psychology department to the renowned psychiatry department. I’m sure you don’t want that. We all don’t!

Please feel free to add anything you know on the subject. Thanks.

So Hey Swinger, snap out of it.

I remain @OverlordNoni

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By Sight and By Faith

The bible says it unequivocally that as Christians, we are to walk by faith and not by sight, and that is what we should do. But then, the human factor in the equation finds a way of befuddling it all. There are times when following the letter would be your undoing, which would then turn around to challenge your faith. You owe it to yourself to make your Christian journey stress free and one way to do that is to use it all, both faith and sight.

Aside from john 1:1, Hebrews 11:1 is perhaps one of the 5 most popular verses in the bible. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. But in this case, you have to see it to make it work. What is it you may ask? In relationships, you gotta lay your cards on the table or perhaps you are still in the toasting stage, don’t let her say yes before you let her see the real you, before you start opening doors for her, buying flowers, burning scented candles and all that ish. He has to know if you can cook, what your strengths are and your weaknesses should first be clear to you before you lay ‘em on him/her.

I’m a subscriber to the honesty is the best policy slogan and that’s because it works. The less I know about you, is not the better o, if you plan to go the long haul, then you need to bring you’re a-game at all times. Don’t make it a delayed release product. As long as you both are committed to each other, skip the fronting phase and really get to know each other because I have come to observe that the single most important factor in couples longevity and happiness is what they know; about each other, about their kids, about God, about dealing with all the stuff that will certainly come up.

I’m a realist to the core and I’m also a Christian and I know all about God’s direction in choosing a life partner but if you don’t go through the phases and walk through your paces, you will most likely be left with God eventually. Not like that is a bad thing per se, but God gave us brains that we might give Him rest, meaning that many issues can be handled or even prevented without night vigils. Basic knowledge of each other is insufficient. Haven’t you ever seen those old couples in movies, whenever they start down memory lane, the synchrony with which they pick those memories amazes me! These guys know each other mehn. And that is the source of their happiness.

I once got into a discussion on facebook with someone, she believes that nobody should choose a life partner without God and I see her point of view. But I maintain that whether God causes you to sleep and takes a bone out of you to custom make a woman for you, same rules apply. You must follow the process of acceptance, understanding, appreciation and commitment. You can’t accept and understand what you don’t know, neither can you commit to what you don’t know. Once you can go through the stages of the process with this in mind, it might take years for you to get into resonance with that person, but you sure are on the right track.

Getting it right calls for you to be a judge of character as much as you can; so that you can speed up the process. Love is important but it isn’t the most important thing because without these things, your love will be very stressed by the many issues that will come up from time to time. This walk calls for you to use sight along with faith, not faith without visible signs. Bliss unhindered awaits you, don’t keep it waiting.

Don’t get me wrong please, its the combination of it all. Both faith and Sight

Follow me on twitter @overlordnoni

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Christianity, Inspiration, Maiden, Relationship

 

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Her Right To Know

Hushed whispers, profane thoughts.

Insane desires and irate deeds.

A dirty past, memoirs on the wall.

The iridescent twinkles on the path forward.

 

No man is an island, hence bridges.

The morning cry of partridges.

Is nothing but a call for freshness.

To Break the bounds of loneliness.

 

Oh seek, and do find.

That which makes you happy.

Remembering that what goes around.

And doesn’t come around goes away.

 

She’ll be gone sooner or later.

If the slate isn’t wiped clean.

The past is past but it doesn’t stay there.

Whether or not it’ll come back to bite your nutty behind.

Depends on how much she knows.

 

Secrets’ll find their way out.

Control the response by being in charge.

Because She has a right to know.

So she can decide how far she wants to go.

 

Or if she wants to go at all.

Hand in hand you write.

And fill the slate with your tale.

What it’ll be you decide.

A lullaby, jazz or mettalic rock.

 

Whichever it is, take comfort in this fact.

The past isn’t hidden, its right before us.

With pen to paper, we sign this pact.

To build together, the future for US.

Image

This is for couples whether old or new, secrets will keep secreting for as long as you keep them. One day, it’ll reach critical mass and precipitate into something so strong it’ll put a wedge in between you. It may well be the end of the relationship.

If you dont tell her cos u dont wanna lose her or vice versa, you may think you are doing the right thing, but when the truth comes to light, it’ll be more disastrous.

But a question for you,

Are There Parts of One’s Past That Must Never Be Revealed To One’s Partner? Or Is ALL To Be Revealed’

So ladies and gentlemen, what is the cat still doing in the bag?

Follow me on twitter @overlordnoni

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2012 in Poetry, Relationship, Social commentary

 

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From My Hollow of Hollows – Dear Friend

The sacred altar has been smashed.

Insane pleasures cashed.

At the bank of a treasured friend.

Bringing to a short end, the frienship of many years.

The times will fade,
mere spittle in an ocean.

But that which remains

is unimaginable pain and anguish.

Ever constricting my heart
whenever i set them upon you.

I look into those eyes,
which once held the flame of my undying love.

Cold dark glass it has become, every light it absorbs.

Those lips which once said my name.

And sent ripples of concordant pleasure down my back.

Now produces nothing but utter disdain.

Be gone from me, strange woman.

The you i knew is long gone.

Long lost in the throes of blissful pleasures.

With a dear friend equally treasured.

My eyes have long emptied their tear sacs.

My heart is now the hollow of hollows.

To be or not to be is a question i cant answer.

From hence, i know not the path to follow.

My dear friend i forgive you.

And wish you much pain than you caused me.

I’m just repaying what you did me

cos So says the good book

 

P.S. A lover who satisfied herself with her lover’s best friend

 
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Posted by on May 9, 2012 in Poetry, Relationship

 

Hasarla – Redefined/Refocused

Reassessment

Blogging makes me happy. It makes me feel like I am really doing something that has meaning. So from now on, I will blog and blog and blog at every chance I get, I’ll update this blog. That being said, I think it’s time I reassessed my stake and direction. Like I said in my About Me Page (check it out) I can write on almost anything, but the jack of all trades is still the master of none.

So I will be writing on basically the following categories hence forth. Note that this does not limit what I can write on, it’s just a guide and focus for greater effect.

    1.       Inspiration: This is naturally my default mode; I am naturally a bubbly person, not because I’m immune to stuffs. It’s because I believe that it’s not what happens to you but how you respond to it that matters. The power of the right Attitude, matters concerning leadership, and bringing out the best of you out of you  among other such topics

    2.       Parenting: I am not a parent, in fact I still live with my parents but I get insights now and then about how best to interact with your children. A happy family goes beyond happy couples, the way you deal with your children has a great import on the kind of life they will live and as a loving parent, you don’t want to send them on the wrong course

    3.       Christianity: I am a Christian. Consider me sold out to Christ. I study the bible and the truths of the bible can never be completely exposed. So now and then, I’ll be writing out of the bible. The modern church interests me, is that Gods plan for the church? Remembering that the church is me and you and not the pews. So I’ll be writing on the church too

    4.       Social Commentary: Our age is one of many social maladies, and so many things are wrong on a variety of scales. Some things don’t even need Christianity for you to know they are wrong. Even simple morality, or common sense points it out but we have been blinded to the obvious truths. I am sorry but I’ll be writing about Nigeria under this category, this country is so plagued with maladies that it gives me heart ache every time I think about it, so it takes a whole lot of effort to write about her. But with people like Mr. Japheth Omojuwa (www.omojuwa.com) , Chinedu Ekekee (www.ekekee.com) and a variety of other bloggers, so I’ll say that area is well covered. I’ll focus more on the people part of it all

    5.       Relationship: Ideality is something that would never let go of me; I believe that things can be better in our relationships. The twisted reality that we call relationship these days just pains me. So now and again, we’ll be talking about how to make things right.

    6.       Poetry: Poets write poems, so I’ll write ‘em too.

    7.       Just Playing Around: This is kind of my miscellaneous section, some things won’t have strict categorization and sometimes I will just play around. All work and no play…..

     So that been said, we go on from here, I won’t stop even if I get no visits to my site in a month, I’ll still write. I pray for inspiration of the Almighty to make this work. Together, we will create a new reality. Also sometimes, I’ll be writing to myself, it may bless, inspire, minister to you. So come with me on this redefined journey. Image

 

A little

die a little
with every disappointment
or find what never dies
and has no preferences

try a little
and keep illusion going
or see the futility of effort
and stop pushing on nothing

be happy a little
now and then when circumstance allows
or rest in the source of happiness
now, then and always

believe a little
that you are someone
or notice there is no separate one
nor any limit to being

love a little
with half a heart
or let love have it all
filling the heart to overflowing

 
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Posted by on April 7, 2011 in Poetry, Relationship, Social commentary

 

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